Don't Think

I've been very overwhelmed with life this past week. Things seem to be happening so fast for me, when in reality they really aren't. As a result I've felt overwhelmed and just wanted to sit in my room and think, but I don't want to just think because thinking is what got me into this overwhelmed state I've been in. I over think everything and then assume the worst as a result. Today though I was able to feel some peace about certain things on my mind. Now I'm trying to just not think. My Institute teacher said we need to have firm minds and soft hearts. So when I say I'm going to try to not think I mean I'm not going to let irrational thoughts enter my mind and let them ruin everything. I think I'm really going to enjoy not thinking. We'll see how it goes :)

Life Epiphany

Today was an answer to a prayer that I never knew I had... kinda. It was more of an answer to many prayers in an obscure kind of a way. In institute today we were talking about faith, but before we got into that we got started on fear. The girl in the class who started this conversation was most definitely inspired.
It helped me to realize that I have had certain prayers answered I was just afraid to act on my answers or even to accept the answer. It also made me realize that my second guessing myself is just the fear that Satan uses to try to deter us from what is good and right for each of us.
The whole time I had the "burning in by bosom" kind of feeling and then we read the scripture that says something to the effect of "I will let you know if things are good or right with a burning in your bosom". And it was so awesome because I sat there thinking about things that I'd had fear in lately and felt this "burning in my bosom" and I knew that these things were good and right and that I just need to practice faith and have patience and don't fear. Even right now I feel again that these things are good and right. I love how much God's hand is in my life and I can feel his love for me!

Timing

I sure do love these people!

I wish I was eloquent with words. I have so many thoughts in my mind that I never know how to put to words. And I always want to write them down so I'll remember them but I can never find just the right words. Plus if I was eloquent with words writing papers for school would be a lot easier. Right now I've got to write a paper about of all the classes I'm taking which do I feel is unnecessary. And it's kinda hard to write this paper because I feel like all the classes I'm taking are necessary. 

I really, really, really, really want to see this movie. It looks like a good story line, and plus I've only heard good things about it. 

Squanto (my car) has been filthy lately. He's needed a car wash quite desperately for a while. So the other day I took him through a car was and it did nothing. At all. All the dust and everything was still on there. It was weird and annoying. And then yesterday it poured rain so now he's in even more of a need for a car wash. But I don't care any more. As long as the windows are clean then I'm content. 

So now that I can actually vote I'm realizing that my vote doesn't really count for anything at all. So there's really no reason to vote. Don't get me wrong I'm going to vote just so I can get the sticker that says "I voted" but my vote won't count for anything. My Dad says that everyone needs to vote just to back of what the Electoral College for your state voted but that doesn't even really matter because they can vote however they want whether it goes with or against the common consent of the state. But I don't know that's just my opinion. 

Lately I've been hearing a lot to just trust in the Lord's timing. And I really didn't want to trust in the Lord's timing because I don't really know His timeline for me or if it's what I want. But recently I just decided that I was actually going to trust in His timing and live my life with faith that things will work out in His way and in His time and in the long run I'll be happy no matter what. Once I consciously decided to trust in the Lord's timing it seems like things are finally starting to happen for me. And its wonderful. I just took a leap of faith and right away I'm seeing the wonderful repercussions. And the Lord really does know what's best for me, I may think that I do but in reality I have no idea. So I'm thankful for all the different people and things that lead me to take a leap of faith and trust in the Lord's timing. 

Opportunities

Yesterday my idea of my future began to be questioned. My plan for life was to live it, and if I got married before I was 21, then great. But if not I would go on a mission. My heart wasn't necessarily set on serving a mission nor was it against serving a mission. Then when President Monson announced that young women can serve a mission at age 19 I was overwhelmed with a wave of emotions. First I felt gratitude for the blessing this would be in many peoples lives. My mind went to a girl in my institute class who just this last week asked our teacher how soon girls could turn in their papers. She's only 19 so I felt bad that she would have to wait a couple more years, then I heard the announcement and I was happy for her. I also felt shock. I'm going to be 19 in one and a half months. If I want to go on a mission I can start my papers today! And I also felt some confusion. Should I go on a mission right now, or wait a few more years to see how different things work out. 

My parents were gone at my siblings cross country meet when the announcement was made so when they got back home my Mom came in and said "Rachel! You can go on a mission this year!" But did I want to go on a mission this year? After the first session I went on Facebook and saw a whole bunch of my friends who were already making their decision so easily. I was still confused, and I felt like I had to make a decision that day. So throughout the day I contemplated both of my options and both seemed like they would be right for me. So I prayed about it before I went to bed hoping that by the end of today I would have my answer. 

When I woke up I just decided that I needed to make a decision and then ask the Lord if it was the right one. So I decided I was going to serve a mission, and inquired of the Lord and waited for my answer. 

During Elder Holland's talk this morning I got my answer. Let me preface the answer I got with some background information. When I received my Patriarchal Blessing I was sure that I would someday go on  a mission. I hoped desperately that it meant a couples mission, because to be honest I hope by the time I am 21 to be married. So I didn't really want to have to serve a mission when I was 21. I wasn't anti-mission I was just more pro-marriage (I know I'm so old fashioned.) And now I have the opportunity to serve while I'm 19! 

So do I take the chance and serve now, or wait while and see where I am in life. Then in Elder Holland's talk he talked about judgement day and how he believes Christ will ask "Did you love me?" Well I know that I do love him, but would my life prove that? And then I realized that if I really do love Christ I can sacrifice one and a half years of my life to go and feed his sheep. It's the least I can do, after all He has done for me. So I'm going to seize this opportunity and get my paper's started as soon as possible. I'm eager to get out and share the gospel that has been such a blessing in my life, and to be a part of history. I'm also very excited for the opportunity that this provides to go to the Temple! Never in a million years did I think I'd be going through the Temple at age 19.

I know that the change in age for mission service is inspired. Like President Holland said in the Press Conference yesterday, they made this change because the work is hastening. I'm excited for the great privilege I have to help in the hastening of the Gospel. And I'm ready to get out and serve!

Today!

Ah! Today has been such a good day! For starters I woke up and had to wear slippers to keep my feet warm. I love cold weather! Especially cold, Fall weather. It's the best. I especially love the beautiful colors. The mountains right now are flippen gorgeous! I've been told that I need to go for a drive up the canyon, because apparently up there it's breath taking.

So my English professor finally graded our first of 4 papers. I wish he would have graded them sooner so I could see how I was doing and make the needed adjustments to get where I need to be. Well, like I said, he finally graded the first one and I got 100%! I'm pretty much the smartest person in that class (no lie)! I should have taken an honors English class, but when I was registering I didn't feel that ambitious so I didn't and as a result I am pretty much the most advanced student in the class. This is a very new experience for me.

We had another FABULOUS lesson in Repentance and Forgiveness today. This class never ceases to amaze me. Every day I learn something new about some aspect of the Atonement that I didn't know before. Here's a chart that we're discussing in class. We are just getting into it and yet have spent two days on it.  

It's kind of hard to read, but it's pretty straight forward, when we are finished with all of it I will update so all of you can gain the same, amazing knowledge that I am.

I've got work off today! Yay! I love my job, but some days I just come home and want to get my homework done and then just relax but I can't because of work, so today that's exactly what i'm doing. Just relaxing. It's been too long!

Last night I was super excited for the debate and loved watching every second of it. What am I turning into?